


Grey? Not Today

by assbele



Category: Tales of Graces
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-30
Updated: 2013-09-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 01:38:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assbele/pseuds/assbele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asbel can't figure out why Richard is avoiding him, and feels him drifting away. He just wants to help, but doesn't realize the reason Richard won't let him can't exactly be helped - and it all spirals out of control from there. He doesn't know what to do, but luckily, he's not facing it alone. A little help here and there can return a grey world to colour in no time at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grey? Not Today

**Author's Note:**

> this is really awful gay gross shoujo animu sparkle rabu-rabu desu just a warning to you all
> 
> this was written from a prompt by prince saying "asbel's all RICHHURD but richard is avoiding him because of how much he likes him and it's painful sometimes but asbel's like NO WHAT'S WRONG TALK TO ME but he doesn't want to and it seems like richard is just drifting away so asbel's like NO I NEED TO MAMORU YOUR FEELINGS."
> 
> and so i tried to poop out a thing AND HERE IT IS! it takes place post-F.

* * *

Also titled " **Asbel Being Stupid: The Saga** "

The sound of music filled the hall, strings reverberating against their wooden fingerboards and whispering sweet chords into Asbel's ears. He'd never been the music-appreciating type, but at balls and festivals like this one, he'd much rather stop and listen to the echoes of music than the chattering of nobles forming 'diplomatic relations' as Richard so eloquently put it. Asbel sighed, moving to sit at a secluded table near the back of the room. He could see Richard talking to a group of people on the other side, standing in that elegant way of his, a hand brought thoughtfully to his chin. Honestly, Asbel was a bit jealous. Richard always pushed aside the officials and nobles and everyone else to come keep Asbel company; it was the only thing that kept him sane at these gatherings, and, of course, he loved getting as much time with his best friend as possible. Yet tonight, Richard had barely acknowledged him. He was a little hurt, and confused, at Richard not even sparing him five minutes to say hello and catch up.

The night was still early, though, and Richard was probably busy greeting important people. Asbel was obviously not more important than state matters, he supposed, so he figured to just sit and wait for Richard to finish. In the meantime there was a lovely dance floor being occupied by men in fancy suits and ladies in extravagant dresses; his mind spun just watching all the colours twirl and swish about. He thought about Sophie, that she probably would love to come to one of these sometime, that this time would have been great since Richard was so busy. He looked back at the king to see him occupied with a different set of people, now, a half-drained glass of wine in his hand. He wished Richard would at least look at him. He was so bored.

The food came and went; the guests slowly trickled out, and while it would have been acceptable for him to leave at this point, he didn't want to go before getting to talk to Richard. He'd stay until he was the last person, if necessary, because he didn't get to Barona enough as it was. And Richard was right there. So he waited, and waited, until finally he had the chance to catch his friend, who had scarcely spared him a glance.

"Richard!" He called, lightly jogging to his side, "Are you free now?"

When Richard looked up, though, something was… off. Asbel wasn't the most observant person. He knew how oblivious he could be. And yet, when their eyes didn't meet, Asbel was sure something was strange. Why wouldn't Richard look at him?

"Asbel," Richard breathed, eyes trained towards the floor. "Did you have a good time?"

He debated telling Richard the truth – that it was boring without his company, that he never liked these anyway (though Richard already knew that), that he would have liked to go home a while ago. But he didn't want to burden his friend, who was still trying to fix the mistakes he'd made with Lambda, stressed by relations with Strahta and Fendel and assassins and so many things – and though Asbel wished he could share that weight, he knew he couldn't, so the best he could do was not add to it. "It was great," he said, smiling. "You seemed really busy. Is everything alright?"

Richard stayed silent for a moment before finally looking up and catching Asbel's eye for just a heartbeat before he turned away entirely. "Yes, fine. It's gotten quite late, though, has it not? You can stay the night here if you wish, Asbel. I wouldn't want you going back to Lhant so late."

"I don't mind," he blurted, holding out his hands for emphasis despite the fact he was facing Richard's back. "I just wanted to stay and talk, since we didn't get a chance to."

He could hear his friend take a breath before quietly replying, "Sorry, Asbel. I'm… a bit tired right now. Perhaps some other time." Without another glace back at Asbel, he was gone from the chamber and it was just Asbel and Duke Dalen left alone. All Asbel could do was stare wide-eyed at the doorway Richard disappeared through. Richard didn't normally act like that when he was tired. Asbel knew him better than that. So what…?

"Lord Asbel." Looking over, he noticed Duke Dalen had made his way to the opposite doorway, towards the exit of the castle. "If you would, I'm sure the cleaning staff would love to go home tonight as well."

Dumbfounded, all Asbel could muster was an "Oh. Right." before walking home in a stunned silence.

* * *

_Your incessant fretting is going to unravel us both._

Slapping his pen down onto the piece of parchment in front of him, Asbel sighed. He'd reread the thing at least five times, having gotten sidetracked partway through each time. He couldn't help but think about how strange Richard was being all those nights ago. Was someone threatening him? Was he in trouble? Lambda was right, he knew, but Richard was his closest friend and if he didn't know what was wrong, how could he help him?

_If you know I am right, then stop this foolishness._

Asbel groaned. _'Lambda, be quiet. You'd worry too. He's our friend.'_

_Your friend. I could care less._

"You say that now," Asbel sighed, pushing aside the unfinished paper to read later. Taking Lambda's silence as a signal of their conversation being finished, he picked up the next paper in his stack. With a start he noticed the royal seal, and he tore it open as quickly as he could, absorbing its contents gladly.

"Asbel Lhant, as per your request, you are hereby notified of another monster extermination quest as per his highness' wishes." He read to no one in particular, skimming over the words carefully. "Your presence will be expected should you reply to this notification. Duke Dalen."

"Asbel?"

He hadn't noticed Sophie coming in, but apparently she had and most likely heard the contents of the letter. Why had he read that aloud? Was he talking to himself again? He sighed to himself, running a hand through his hair. "What is it, Sophie?"

She moved closer to the desk, large eyes sweeping over the disorganized stacks of important paperwork so haphazardly sorted. "Are you going? With Richard… to fight the monsters?"

Asbel stopped, looking over at her with a faint smile on his face. She looked so much more mature now, and though he was used to it, sometimes it was still a bit strange. No matter how she looked now, though, she was still Sophie, and her company was something he could always rely on. He loved her dearly; he didn't know where he'd be at this point without her. Closing his eyes, he sighed and bit his lip, thinking. "I don't know," he admitted, opening his eyes and scanning the parchments littering his desk. "I have a lot to do here, but…"

"But?"

"I'm worried about Richard."

Understanding dawned on Sophie's face, and she nodded once. "From last month… the ball. You said he was acting weird. Then he cancelled his usual trip to Lhant."

"Yeah," Asbel replied, scooting his chair out and leaning back. "I feel like I should go just to check up on him, but… I don't want to leave you here alone, either."

She smiled softly, drawing her hands up to her chest where she clasped them. "But I won't be alone, Asbel. Frederic's here, and so are all the sopherias. There's Bailey and Raymond, too, and everyone else in Lhant. I won't be alone. You should make sure Richard is okay."

There was never really a word to express the admiration and gratitude Asbel had for having Sophie in his life, but finding a way to describe it had never been more important than just cherishing it. She was right, and he smiled back at her. "Yeah, you're right. Okay. I'll go."

* * *

Just like that he found himself walking along the knights, instead of his usual place beside the King, and some of his worries were confirmed – but it also brought up new ones. It was clear that something had changed with Richard, and it seemed to involve him somehow. What about Asbel had changed? He couldn't really think of anything… he'd gotten new shoes a few weeks ago, but he didn't think that would make Richard act the way he was. It was something more important than that. Something big, something about their friendship, maybe. Were other nobles disapproving of it? Maybe someone had threatened him, and he didn't want Asbel to know about it. That thought made him worry, because if Richard would just tell him about it, he would be able to protect him. This was just the opposite – Asbel knew when he was being avoided, and it hurt. He at least wanted to know why, but the king's garrison was at the head of the march and there was no way he would break rank to bother Richard with his own feelings.

All he knew was, there was a hole where Richard used to be. It seemed less like Richard was trying to protect him from something and more like the man was just trying to push him away, as if he were unwanted. It left a cold sting in his chest, similar to the time Richard had gone mad at Wallbridge and sent him away – he was afraid, a bit, for what it meant, but at the very least, he knew Lambda was safe inside his own head. It still didn't change the fact, though, that something on Richard's end had changed. If he wasn't wanted anymore, then… he would leave. But he resolved to know why first, because whether Richard wanted him or not, he was his best friend, and he wouldn't turn away unless if he heard the desire come from the king himself.

A sharp yell from his right drew his attention away from his thoughts as he turned to see a large nova monster sweep through the air. How had they not seen it? Asbel stepped back, hand grasping at his sword as he watched the knights pick themselves up and move into battle formation. It was a surprise, yes, but they had been trained for that – and, luckily, seeing as he was not in the knights anymore, Asbel could ignore the formation and run to the front to protect Richard.

The shriek of a beast roared from behind him, and he spun on his heel, dodging a sweep of large, black claws. Striking it once with his sheathe, he kicked it to the ground and pulled out his sword, stabbing it with the power he'd attained from Sophie. It dropped, unmoving, and he didn't even bother putting his sword back as he continued making his way towards Richard's location. It had become bad fairly quickly; apparently they must have stumbled too near a nest. Monsters were streaming over the hillside, and Asbel wasn't sure they could defeat all of them in one go. There were far more than he was used to – and while he would fight for Richard until his last breath, it seemed a bit pointless to die in a place like this after having saved Ephinea twice in such absurd ways. It was probably best to call a retreat, to regroup, and lure the monsters further out so they could deal with them one by one. He hoped Richard was thinking the same thing.

He found him fending off a large wyvern-like creature, with two long fangs jutting from its blackened face and a long, barbed tail that curled in the air with authority. Stepping in alongside Richard, he parried a blow meant for his friend and aimed a slice at the monster's wing. "Richard," he hissed, turning, "we need to get out of here. Regroup. Take the monsters one by one—"

"I know," came the reply, masked with a groan, as he leapt into the air with a stab. "I had the same idea. We need to," he paused, blocking a hit from its tail. "Get the men to fall back."

For a moment their eyes locked, and it was the old Richard, the normal Richard, looking back at him as if telling him _"I know you can do it, Asbel,"_ – something that didn't need to be said, but was apparent that Richard would be fine here, that Asbel should help protect the knights, spread the word to retreat. It still didn't keep him from worrying about his friend – he wanted to protect him here, make sure nothing happened – but there were a lot of lives at stake, and Richard was relying on him. So he nodded, lingering just a moment to say "Be careful, Richard." before turning and running back the way he came.

He could feel the heavy weight of his lungs in his chest as he zigzagged the passage, finding each group of knights and warning them of the battle plan, fending off monsters as he went. Legs like lead, he wouldn't let himself stop – not until everyone was safe. The force was slowly retreating, the injured being helped along by the healthy, and eventually they were far enough back that the monsters gave up. Asbel had expected them to follow, at least one or two – but it seemed as though it wasn't worth their time, maybe, and they had turned back. Either way, he was glad a complete disaster was averted. He spent the last bit of his energy searching for Richard, the worry crushing him further with each passing minute he couldn't find him. What if monsters had gotten him? If Asbel hadn't been there to protect him, when he'd promised him he always would? A world without Richard seemed so terrifyingly grey, and somehow Richard leaving him after he'd drifted away for no reason hurt even worse. Asbel had nearly worked himself into a panic before his relief almost crushed him, finding Richard sitting in the grass a ways off from the supply cart. Breathing a deep sigh of relief at the safety of his friend, he resisted the urge to draw him into a hug and flopped down into the grass beside him, panting.

Richard was silent, so Asbel sucked in a breath and smiled up at him. "That went well," he said, half-sarcasm for getting attacked in the first place and half-relief that it wasn't worse. He knew Richard would catch the drift; Richard always understood what Asbel was trying to say, even when he himself didn't know. Yet he was awfully silent – he hadn't said a word, and suddenly Asbel was bolting up, heart hammering, wondering if he was injured after all.

"Richard? Richard, are you hurt?" He looked down, seeing Richard was holding his arm. Asbel reached out towards it gently. "Your arm, is it—"

"I'm fine," Richard snapped, pushing Asbel's hand away. "It's just a scratch."

All Asbel could do was sit back on his legs and stare at the ground, his hand stuck drawn back where Richard had pushed it. "Richard…"

"That's enough, Asbel." It was hardened; Asbel called it the King Voice in his head, though it was terribly unnerving when Richard used it on him, and, moreso, he hadn't done so since he had been together with Lambda. Somehow, it brought all sorts of unwanted feelings swirling into Asbel's tired chest. After a moment, Richard stood up, and his voice softened. "Really, Asbel, I'm fine. Are you unharmed?"

He nodded, a bit taken aback.

Richard nodded in turn. "Good. That's… good." He whispered, so quietly Asbel barely caught it, before quietly walking away, leaving Asbel staring behind him, alone. Grey.

* * *

"Cheria, I—"

"Asbel, you don't have to explain. I do understand, more than you might think."

Asbel looked at her, melting in Cheria's warm brown eyes. He always had a way of getting lost in her gaze; he wasn't really sure why, maybe because of how kind she was, or how she always looked out for him. He'd come to realize a lot of things about his relationship with her over time, and when it finally came down to telling her, it turned out he never had to say a word. Truly, there was no one in the world more sweet and forgiving as Cheria, and his heart swelled just thinking of it.

"I…" He looked down from her loving gaze. He didn't deserve it. She deserved better.

"Really, it's okay. I… was kind of expecting this to happen, actually. If you didn't call it off, I would have." She sounded resigned, pained, and Asbel hurt because he knew it was his fault. "I knew all along you didn't love me, Asbel. Your heart belongs to someone else, and I think I knew it all along. I just didn't want to admit it."

He was genuinely surprised; he hadn't expected her to say that. He knew she loved him. She had since they were kids… but then, she really was an angel if she was calling it off for his sake. It was clear how upset it was making her. She was right, though she did say one thing wrong – he did love her – so very much. More than a friend, like a sister, so near and engrained into his very being. They grew up together, and those shared roots just made their bond even thicker. "Cheria," he breathed, "of course I love you."

She laughed humourlessly, dryly, and Asbel felt the urge to cry creeping up into his eyes. "I know you do, Asbel. But I'm talking about the other kind of love. You're not _in love with_ me." She breathed deeply, closing her eyes for a moment, before opening them and forcing a smile. Asbel could tell how fake it was, but he didn't say anything. "Don't feel bad, okay? I… I should have known better. They talked you into it, didn't they? Maybe they can't see it as clearly as I do, Asbel, but it's not me you're in love with."

She might as well have been talking in gibberish; Asbel had no idea who she was talking about. He took a breath to ask, but she raised a finger to his lips and silenced him. "You know who it is," she said flatly, "You have for a long time, I think."

Her hand dropped from his mouth, and it was immediately clamped shut. He was afraid of his emotions spilling out of him uninvited, and the silence reigned for a moment as he tried to process the information. He still didn't understand. He was trying to. Cheria was trying to convey something important to him, but even her boundless understanding and compassion couldn't seem to get through to him. He didn't understand, and she saw it clearly.

"By the way, Asbel," she said, suddenly changing the subject yet not sounding cheerier for it. "I heard that… you and Richard aren't getting along lately. Did something happen?"

It's not what Asbel wanted to hear. Not while he was worried over hurting Cheria too much, finally breaking the last straw before she refused to pick him up anymore, losing the friend he'd had the longest. The thought of Richard just pushed him over, and the tears previously threatening to spill began pressing harder. "He's…" he tried to say, but stopped, swallowing quietly. "I don't think he wants me around anymore, Cheria." It came out slowly, experimentally, because he'd never dared let it go past a 'what-if' state of thought. Yet as it came out, it seemed to sound more true, and he buried his face in his hands. "He won't talk to me anymore."

He could hear her shifting from her seat across from him onto the bench beside him, and suddenly there was a warm arm around his shoulder. He couldn't help but marvel at how kind she was, still looking out for him after he'd been terrible to her. He didn't know why she continued to do it. "Asbel," she said, "Have you tried talking to him since the battle?"

Face still buried in his hands, he shook his head no. Somehow, it had seemed clear that that was it. He'd stopped coming for tea like he used to, and Asbel was afraid of being ignored if he went to Barona to visit Richard himself.

"You should," she said gently, leaning closer to Asbel until her head rested on his shoulder. "I know he wants you around, Asbel. Maybe more than anyone."

Asbel lifted his head, quickly wiping the one tear that fell with the motion with a soft sniff. "You think?" He asked, tentatively, because Cheria's instincts were almost always spot on and he'd come to trust what she thought, yet wasn't entirely sure she was right this time. It was true that he didn't think Richard would just turn his back on him the way he had, but… then again, his actions had essentially made it pretty…. confusing. If Cheria thought it was worth a try, though, he wouldn't give up.

"Yeah, I do," she said, smiling and giving his shoulder a squeeze before leaving Asbel to sit, pondering, about everything she said. He never made the connection.

* * *

There was a cool breeze blowing off Lake Grale, the damp air current tussling with Asbel's coat as he made his way up the steps towards Barona Castle. There were seagulls dancing in groups along the ground; hunting, probably, scavenging for food in the plentiful wastebins of Windor's capital city. Asbel smiled to himself, remembering how Barona's grandeur had never really hit him as a kid, when he'd first come to see Richard. It had never hit him, really, especially not after living in the city for seven years. Yet whenever he came from elsewhere, he was always pleasantly reminded of how brilliant a place it really was, how it had become so much smaller to him over the years, how many special memories it held that he'd never let go of.

His feet carried him across the elegant red carpets up to the staircase, where the doors pushed open and the dappled light from stained glass windows bent down along the flooring at Asbel's feet. Where Asbel expected to see Richard poised upon his throne, however, there was empty space, and Asbel stopped short with a confused expression on his face.

"If you're looking for his majesty, he is in his study."

Asbel nearly jumped out of his socks; he had been so intent on finding Richard that he hadn't even seen Duke Dalen standing there. Exhaling shakily, he laughed nervously. "O-oh," he said, turning to face the duke. "Is it alright if I see him?"

Duke Dalen took a breath and paused, turning his mind over something, before sighing and gesturing with his hand in the direction of the king's study. "He's expressly ordered me not to let you in, should you visit," he replied, "but he's been increasingly difficult since he's done so. Go talk to him; I'll give you five minutes, but if he orders for you to leave after that time, I must oblige his order."

Asbel had never liked Duke Dalen more than he had in that moment. "Thank you," he breathed, standing up straight and quickly saluting him before turning on his heel and sprinting towards Richard's study, where he knew he'd find him slumped over the desk with paperwork. True to his prediction, the knock that elicited a "come in" found Richard right in that position, just beginning to turn towards the door to see who had entered the room. He didn't miss the split-second flash of surprise on Richard's face, as if he'd forgotten how often Asbel used to come and liberate him from his paperwork. He tried not to let it damper his enthusiasm, though.

"Asbel," Richard spoke, his words drifting across the room as though delayed. "I… wasn't expecting you."

Asbel nodded, closing the door behind him and leaning against it, suddenly feeling trapped. When had he become afraid of facing his best friend? He'd never wanted to feel that again. "I know," he sighed, "and I promise I'll leave once I've said what I came to say."

Richard nodded in reply, pulling out a chair and dragging it across from his own. Asbel moved to sit, his hands balled into fists atop his legs. "I- I know this is going to sound kind of silly to you, Richard," he began, awkwardly, eyes fixed on Richard's shoulder. "But… I just want you to know that… if something's troubling you, you can tell me. You don't have to… go away."

"Asbel, I—"

"Wait, I'm not done." It was probably rude to cut off the king, but Asbel didn't care. He was Richard, his best friend, first and foremost, and that was all that mattered right then. Finally brave enough to fix his gaze on Richard's, he held it firmly. "Whatever's wrong, Richard, I want you to talk to me. I… it's pretty selfish, isn't it? Asking that of you. But…. If you ever valued me as a friend, Richard, please. Just tell me what's wrong. I want to help. If someone's threatened you, let me protect you. If… if I've done something wrong, I just want to know what it is. Please."

"Oh, Asbel," Richard whispered, moving a gloved hand over one of Asbel's silently, slowly, like a ghost. "You haven't done anything wrong. I'm the selfish one, Asbel… I'm so, terribly sorry. It's me, just me. No one has threatened me, or done me wrong. No one but myself."

Asbel's other hand instinctively found its way to Richard's, two hands clasping it tight. "Then please," he begged, "talk to me about it. You don't have to keep it in alone."

He saw Richard's gaze flit down towards their entwined hands, where he gently pulled his from Asbel's and returned all hands to starting positions. "I can't," he said, the small opening Asbel had found in his friend cruelly cut off from him. "I'm sorry, Asbel, but I…. I can't."

A hole had somehow found its way into Asbel's chest. "Wh- what do you mean, you… can't? You can, Richard. I promise I won't tell anyone."

"It's not that easy, Asbel." Richard sighed, turning back to his papers. "I'm sorry."

Asbel stood from his chair, trembling. "It's… it's fine. I shouldn't pry, anyway…." He trailed off, watching, waiting, pleading for Richard to say anything else. But Richard was turned away from him now, silent and tense. "I… I guess I should be going then, shouldn't I? Um… sorry to bother you, Richard." He moved himself towards the door, unable to bring himself to ask the final question eating at his mind.

' _Are we still friends?'_

* * *

"Asbel, you're an idiot."

It wasn't exactly how he'd hoped his brother would greet him, but Asbel supposed there were worse things he could have said. "Nice to see you too, Hubert," he droned, frowning for a moment before smiling and moving to sit beside him. "How are things?"

Hubert crossed his arms, leaning back where he sat. "Fine," he answered curtly, eyeing Asbel from the corner of his eye. "But I didn't call you here to talk about me. We're here to talk about you."

"Boy oh boy," he sighed, half appreciative of his brother's bluntness and half unsure how to easily just sail into the subject. "Because talking about myself is definitely easy. Hubert, if you're trying to be a counselor, I think you shouldn't have joined the military."

"I didn't have a choice to be in the military," Hubert snapped, and Asbel's joking mood immediately deflated. He tried not to think about how Hubert was just handed off to some stranger. His little brother, snatched from home by their own parents. He didn't like to think about it, for good reason.

"I- I know. Sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now then, Asbel," Hubert began, "Richard."

Asbel blanched. "R- Richard?" He wasn't sure where Hubert was going with this; it could have led in a million directions. Just the thought made him draw into himself a bit. Thinking about Richard… nowadays, that was something he didn't like to think about, either. It used to be warm, and fond, where now he just found a hole. He didn't like to think about it one bit.

"Yes, Richard." Hubert sighed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm going to be blunt with you, Asbel. This has gone on far long enough."

At this, Asbel's eyebrows furrowed. He was totally lost. He loved his brother, he really did, despite how different he was from when they were little – deep down he was still Hubert, and Asbel could catch glimpses of the shy, kind boy sometimes beneath the icy exterior. Asbel loved that about Hubert most, next to how well he always applied his knowledge. Hubert was so smart, and talented, and Asbel could have been the proudest big brother on Ephinea. Other times, though, Hubert's smart mouth did nothing but confuse, as was the current case. He shook his head, perplexed. "What?"

"Do you know why Richard has been avoiding you, Asbel?"

His attention caught, Asbel shot forward, closing the small distance between them. "D-do you know what's wrong with Richard? Did he tell you?" Asbel didn't know why Richard wouldn't tell him but would tell Hubert – it didn't really matter, though, he tried to tell himself, because if anyone at all knew what was wrong, that meant something could be done to fix it.

His brother pushed up his glasses, the tip of his lips curled upwards knowingly. "No one _told_ me, brother. No one had to. In fact, it's so blaringly obvious, the only person remotely capable of missing it is you."

That really didn't help Asbel feel much better. "Please, Hubert!" he cried, desperately.

"Listen closely, then, because I'm only going to say this once. It's embarrassing telling other mens' secrets."

Asbel nodded, bracing himself for what he was about to hear. Something like 'Richard hates you', or 'Richard's getting blackmailed', or 'Richard is terminally sick', or 'Richard is relocating permanently to Fodra'. He didn't know what to expect – least of all what came tumbling out of Hubert's mouth.

"Richard loves you, Asbel."

"That… that's it?" It still sent a wave of relief through his system, finally answering the question he'd been wondering since that day. _'Of course we're friends.'_ He didn't know how he could have ever thought otherwise; he should have had more faith in Richard. Richard always had a reason for doing the things he did. Of course it wouldn't damage their friendship. Nothing could. Asbel released a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and he put a shaky hand to his forehead to calm himself. "Geez, Hubert… don't scare me like that. I love him too. You know that."

He could hear the slap of flesh, and looked up to see Hubert with his face in his hand, grumbling and blushing to himself like something was seriously wrong. Asbel looked on, confused.

" _No_ , you _dimwit!_ Asbel, Richard is _in love with_ you. How can you not see it?"

The cogs in Asbel's head immediately began whirring, the world slowing.

" _It's not me you're in love with."_

Oh.

" _You know who it is," Cheria sighs, "You have for a long time, I think."_

**Oh.**

Suddenly Asbel sees it all; Sophie's reliability, her steadfastness; Cheria's gentleness, eyes like pools of wonder; Hubert's intelligence, his internal softness; all the things he loved in his friends were there, in Richard. But that wasn't all, was it? There was something so different about Richard too. He'd never been able to label it beyond a hybrid of best friends, brothers, something closer. He'd never felt more stupid in his life, because Cheria's riddle had been sitting under his nose all this time. His own feelings had been sitting there, and he never noticed. This wasn't like how he felt about Cheria. Not at all. Richard was just different. He was… he was just _Richard._

"H-how—"

"Could you have been so stupid? Honestly, brother, it's beyond me."

_I agree. You are an utter fool._

Asbel stood from the bench, nearly tripping with the rapidity of the motion. "Not you too, Lambda!" he cried, spinning to face Hubert. "You mean you… you knew all this time and you never thought to, I don't know, bring it up? This is crazy!" He could feel the heat rushing to his face. He couldn't believe this.

"Asbel, it's not my job to read your love life to you like a bedtime story. You're the older one, not me!" Asbel could hear the laugh in his voice. He could hear it just brimming there, under the surface, silently laughing at him. He supposed he deserved it, but still.

"Come on, Hubert!" His voice cracked on the last syllable, his hands moving nervously through his hair quickly before jerking to a halt. "Wait. Wait a minute." It barely squeaked out of Asbel's mouth, and he focused on Hubert very, very slowly. "If he's… in love with me, then… why is he _avoiding me?_ Shouldn't it... you know, be the other way around?"

And Hubert just smirked, stood up, and pushed his older brother towards the door. "Now that you've finally come to your senses, I'll let Richard explain it himself."

* * *

The following days were filled with embarrassment on Asbel's part, having suddenly realized something so… embarrassing, that he should have known better. They were uneventful days, though, and he was endlessly grateful. It seemed like everyone was tiptoeing around him – as if the entirety of Lhant was covered in eggshells. It didn't really help him feel less embarrassed, considering what it meant for both of them, but he was a man and he was planning on taking it like one. To march straight over to Barona Castle and talk to Richard, right then, right there.

Except… his feet didn't quite take him, and he ended up stuck in place without having moved a centimeter, every time. He wasn't exactly afraid of facing Richard, now, just… embarrassed. And maybe a little afraid, because would Richard reject him? Was Asbel even feeling things properly? It was completely new for him – what if he didn't really know what he was talking about and ended up making things worse than they were? He wasn't sure he wanted that, either.

He sighed, slumping onto the edge of his bed, hands threading through his hair as he did so. Man, what would his mom say? Did she know? Should he tell her? What would his _dad_ say? Asbel didn't even want to think about it. He was tired of doing so much thinking lately. It made his brain hurt.

_Then stop, you fool._

' _I can't just… stop. Isn't it just... really sudden?'_

_It is hardly sudden. I shared consciousness with that man for many years._

Asbel stopped. _'Wait. You mean—'_

_I have dealt with these ridiculous feelings the entire time I shared consciousness with the one you call Richard. It sickens me to say this, but the least you could do is to stop thinking about it and finally take action._

' _Take… action?'_

_I refuse to explain any further than this._

' _Hold on, wait! Lambda, come on. Just... one thing?'_

_Go on._

' _He really loved me all that time?'_

There was no reply, and Asbel knew it to be confirmation. He felt his cheeks burning. How could he not have seen it? He knew he was oblivious. He knew it. But he spent so much time with Richard – how could he have been so blind? It really was… foolish.

There was a knock on the door, and before Asbel could get a word out, there was the bounding of footsteps hurdling in, like a stampede. Except it was a one-person stampede, made possible only by Pascal. A moment later, Captain Malik strolled in through the door, and Asbel was truly grateful to see them. He wasn't sure what they were doing in his bedroom, but he was glad nevertheless.

"Hey, Asbel! We totally have something for you! You're gonna LOVE it!"

Asbel quirked an eyebrow. If Pascal said so, he wasn't entirely sure he would. He looked to the Captain for confirmation.

Smirking lopsidedly, Malik reached into his pocket and pulled out a small envelope. "Indeed, we do have something for you. Here, Asbel; it's addressed to you."

Carefully, he slid the paper out from the Captain's hand. It had the royal seal on it. Richard…? "Um… why are you delivering this to me? Normally letters come in… well, the mail."

"Aww, but the mail's so boooring! C'mon, Asbel, even you gotta admit the ol' Captain needs some exercise for his creaky old bones, yeah?"

"Pascal!"

"Oh, c'mon, you know it's true! You're so used to loafing around with the Chancellor and deedle dooding around with cards that that you—"

"Alright, Pascal, that's enough."

"Oh no it's not! While I'm busy workin' around ka-chunka dongleing with your stinkin' old pipes,…"

Stifling a laugh into a chuckle, Asbel tuned them out and looked down at the letter again. Was it really from Richard? Nervously, he picked it up and read it silently. A small blush crept onto his cheeks.

Suddenly noticing that he'd read it, their attention immediately turned back to Asbel. Pascal leaned down closer to Asbel, grinning. "So, what's it say? Tell us! C'mon! Don't keep a girl waiting!" Even the Captain nodded in agreement, and Asbel just couldn't believe them. And yet he obliged anyway.

"It's from Richard. All it says is meet me on the hill at noon."

Pascal clapped loudly, sending Asbel's poor eardrums into shock. "That's great! Sounds like you two lovebirds have got yourselves a total date!"

Asbel blinked. "Wh-what?" He was so embarrassed, he just wanted to melt into the bedsheets.

"Now Pascal, that's impolite." The captain interjected, pushing Pascal aside. "I know things have been complicated between you two, Asbel, but this is a good chance to clear it up. Don't… don't miss the chance to make things right. Like I did." His voice was so serious, so sure, that Asbel had no choice but to believe him. He sounded more sure about it than he had about even parts of their training. More sure than anything.

Asbel nodded. "If… if you really think so, Captain."

"Hey, what about me?"

"Good," Malik said jovially, a complete turnaround from his previous tone. "Asbel; it's almost noon. Off you go, then. Lhant Hill." It was his command voice, and soon the Captain's hands found their way to Asbel's shoulders, shepherding him towards the door.

"C'moooon, I helped too….!" Pascal's voice faded as Asbel was shoved out the door into the hallway, and soon he was walking towards the place it all began. Lhant Hill.

* * *

The wind rustled the trees, creating a vibrant sound of life and growth. The day wasn't unlike that first day when Asbel and Hubert had first gone up Lhant Hill; the flowers still swayed gently in the afternoon sun, Foselos shone overhead, and the ocean waters sparkled in the distance. Breathtaking, in every sense of the word, and probably the most beautiful place Asbel had ever been. He'd travelled the world and beyond, so he could actually say that and truly mean it. He did.

"It truly is," came a soft reply, and with great embarrassment Asbel realized he'd said it aloud without thinking. Worse yet, it was Richard, and Asbel had been hoping to get there first to have time to relax first, or something. It was weird facing him after realizing something so… embarrassing. What would he even say?

Luckily for him, Richard spoke first as he beckoned Asbel closer until they stood just a small distance in front of the tree. "Asbel, I… I want to apologize. I've been incredibly foolish, haven't I?" He paused, looking thoughtful; Asbel didn't know what to say, so he waited for Richard to speak up again, his voice calm and reassuring as he did so. "I'm sorry for lying to you, Asbel. It wasn't that I couldn't tell you; I didn't want to. There's a difference, and I'm sorry for being untruthful.

"The truth of the matter is, Asbel, I didn't want to ruin our friendship with my feelings for you. They went on far too long… I'm a coward, and I ran away from the pain instead of facing it. I pushed you away to stop myself from loving you, but… it didn't work. It just made things worse." He put a hand to his brow and sighed, eyes closed in tension.

Asbel didn't like seeing Richard look so upset. He didn't feel any of the nervousness he expected to feel. He just felt... glad. Glad that all that time, Richard really did care about him. He felt terrible Richard did all that just because he was afraid of the consequences, though, and moved to speak up. "Richard, it's okay. Really." He sighed, looking away. "It's my fault too, for… not noticing. Not noticing you, or… me."

Richard looked up, surprised, and his hand drifted thoughtfully to his chin. "What do you mean?"

Asbel looked down at his hands, fiddling nervously with the ruffles on his sleeves. "Well, uh… you know. That you and I… kind of feel the same." It was so painfully awkward and embarrassing all at once that both their faces turned red, and they began to laugh, their laughter bouncing off the cliff faces and out into the sea breeze. It was utterly ridiculous that he had to say it out loud. Hubert told him it was obvious…. Hubert was a liar.

"Hubert said everyone knew," Asbel added, once they'd calmed down and had taken to lying in the grass. "I guess 'everyone' just excludes you and me."

Richard chuckled. "Indeed. Though, Asbel, I don't want to force you into anything. This. Cheria told me about you two, and about you loving someone else. She didn't think to mention that I was the recipient. I... to be honest, while I'd dreamt about this outcome, I didn't really… expect it."

"Yeah, well, guess how I felt figuring it out. I'm nineteen. I should know how this stuff works by now. This is really embarrassing."

Richard rolled over, smiling, carefully placing a hand on Asbel's cheek. "Better late than never."

For a moment they just looked at each other, wondering how things had gone from best friends to nothing to... to whatever they were, so rapidly. If that alone hadn't thrown Asbel for a loop, the gentle touch of Richard's lips to his own did – and yet it was warm and soft and so _Richard_ that it just felt natural, and gentle, and simple _._ When he broke away, all he could do was smile at him, glad for having Richard back. Like this. Like... however this was.

"Now, Asbel," Richard began, face lighting up, "If you don't know how it works, then I suppose I'll just have to lecture you on it! First, sending me a letter was—"

Asbel stopped him mid-sentence. "Wait, _me_ sending _you_ a letter? _You_ sent _me_ a letter!"

He watched as Richard's eyebrows furrowed in thought. "Well then… it appears we have a couple of matchmakers at play." He smirked and lightly gestured with the top of his head, and Asbel turned to sit up to see the retreating forms of Pascal and Captain Malik, the audible sound of their giggles echoing all the down the hill.

"Mystery solved," concluded Richard, and he smiled again, laying back into the grass. Asbel huffed, but somehow, couldn't bring himself to be mad at them. After all, the world suddenly had more colour than he could ever remember it having, and grey felt like a long-lost memory.


End file.
